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Audiobook Release – Limp Dicks and Saggy Tits by Tracie Podger.


Book: Limp Dicks & Saggy Tits


Author: Tracie Podger


Genre: Romantic Comedy


** AUDIOBOOK LIVE NOW**


Amazon: mybook.to/LDSTAudio

I Tunes:  https://books.apple.com/gb/audiobook/limp-dicks-saggy-tits-unabridged/id1503396287

Now Available on Audio!

Also Available with Kindle Unlimited!

Synopsis

What to do when your husband runs off and leaves you single—when being single is not your thing?


Lizzie has decided that single life does not suit her.

From castles in Scotland to barns in Kent, via apartments in London, she embarks on a journey of self-discovery as a single woman with all the humorous pitfalls along the way.

Naked artists, extreme earth lovers, taxidermy, and blow up dolls, are just some of the encounters Lizzie has to endure in her effort to get her life back on track.

With the dashing Scot, Ronan, by her side, will she ever be able to do that?

Or will his mountain of baggage just pile alongside hers creating an impenetrable wall between them?

A humorous journey of self-discovery and single life as a fifty-year-old.


Limp Dicks & Saggy Tits Excerpt

Copyright 2019 TJ Podger

Fifty and single was not a great place to be. Especially when I had no desire to be either. But, against my wishes, I found myself to be exactly at that point.

Why should meeting a man be so difficult at my age? Why couldn’t I walk into a bar and not look like a cougar on the prowl or a nearly-OAP being patronised by the youth? Why couldn’t I still have a healthy sex life even if I didn’t have a husband anymore?

Too many whys, and after my third glass of wine, I guessed I could continue to add more but…what the fuck good would it do?

“Lizzie, are you listening to me?” I heard.

“No,” I replied, draining the glass I held in my hand. “I’m thinking about what the nurse said to me.”

“What did the nurse say?”

“That I might need to consider lubricant.” I was aware of the slur to my voice. “She said I have vaginal atrophy. Fucking vaginal–”

“What’s vaginal atrophy?” he asked, interrupting.

“A shrinking fanny, Joe!” I replied.

“Let’s just call it a return to virgin fanny, it sounds better. So, did you hear what I said earlier?”

I was lying on the sofa. There was a romcom playing on the TV that I had absolutely no interest in—had probably seen twenty years ago—while my best friend, Joe, was sitting in the chair opposite me.

“No, what did you say?” I asked, shuffling up a little so I at least looked interested in what he had to offer.

“I said, I think we need a little weekend break away,” Joe repeated.

“I like the sound of that.”

“I might have a look online tomorrow.”

Maybe he told me more, I had no idea. I awoke the following morning with a banging headache and a mouth tasting like a sewer.

“Who filled their mouth with sewer…stuff, to even come up with that phrase?” I said aloud as I climbed from the sofa in need of water.

The kitchen was spotless, and I gave an imaginary thumbs up to Joe who had obviously cleared away our takeout containers. I smiled at the small box of empty wine bottles he’d left on the counter, ready for recycling.

I scratched my head, feeling the tangles in my hair from sleeping on a sofa at a strange angle, and probably tossing and turning at that. On sniffing my armpit, I tried to decide on the urgency of a shower, or whether I could fit a cup of coffee in first. However, since I was alone, it didn’t matter if there was a slight sweaty smell; coffee was needed.

The only time I drank instant coffee, from the jar, was when I was hung-over. I hated the stuff normally, but I couldn’t be arsed to make fresh. I unscrewed a jar, banged it on the counter to loosen up the granules, and plunged in a teaspoon. Once deposited in a mug, boiled water added, and a splash of milk, I piled in some sugar and sipped. On hung-over mornings it was nectar for the brain.

Flashes of conversations filled my mind as I walked through to the bathroom. I was sure Joe mentioned a weekend break at some point the previous evening. I hoped it involved a spa, and wine, and maybe a nice restaurant, and a bar, and maybe more wine.

My singleton life since…him, revolved around too much alcohol, and not enough self-love, of any kind so yes, a nice spa would be perfect. It was time to kick myself and my alcohol-fuelled body back into shape. I was that buoyed in that precise moment, I showered quickly, drank down the rest of the coffee, and then had the bright idea to hit the gym, a place I hadn’t ventured to in months.

I pulled on some leggings and accompanied them with a long t-shirt to hide the rolls of fat. I found my trainers and a gym bag with a towel and toiletries and before I could change my mind—or sanity returned—I left the flat and walked up the road.

I’d made it halfway before my body started to sway and a small wave of nausea washed over me. I could have very easily turned around and headed back home. I was determined, however. I was going to the gym; I was sick of myself, and I was sure everyone else was too.

Many a time I’d made the decision that I didn’t want/need a man in my life and every time, I knew I was kidding myself. I also knew it was the fallout from being cheated on and left to pick up the pieces while he swanned around town with a bloody drag queen.

Maybe if she’d been tall, blonde, slim and well spoken with a high profile job in the city I might not have been so bitter. If she had been the typical just-out-of–her-teens bimbo with no aspirations other than wanting a sugar daddy, I could have understood, sort of. But a drag queen? Now, I have nothing against drag queens, per se. I have everything against my husband running off with one.

I had no idea why the situation seemed worse, I mean, it was pretty laughable. He was short, balding, with a paunch forming, and heading for his sixties. ‘She’ was over six feet in height and that was without the five-inch heels, muscles, tattoos down one arm from days in the navy, of disputable age, and with one false eye! I mean, for fuck’s sake, why?

About the Author

Tracie Podger currently lives in Kent, UK with her husband and a rather obnoxious cat called George. Shes a Padi Scuba Diving Instructor with a passion for writing. Tracie has been fortunate to have dived some of the wonderful oceans of the world where she can indulge in another hobby, underwater photography. She likes getting up close and personal with sharks.

Tracie likes to write in different genres. Her Fallen Angel series and its accompanying books are mafia romance and full of suspense. A Virtual Affair, Letters to Lincoln and Jackson are angsty, contemporary romance, and Gabriel, A Deadly Sin and Harlot are thriller/suspense. The Facilitator is erotic romance.

Books by Tracie Podger

Fallen Angel, Part 1

Fallen Angel, Part 2

Fallen Angel, Part 3

Fallen Angel, Part 4

Fallen Angel, Part 5

Fallen Angel, Part 6

The Fallen Angel Box Set

Evelyn – A novella to accompany the Fallen Angel Series

Rocco A novella to accompany the Fallen Angel Series

Robert To accompany the Fallen Angel Series

Travis To accompany the Fallen Angel Series

Taylor & Mack To accompany the Fallen Angel Series

Angelica To accompany the Fallen Angel Series

A Virtual Affair A standalone

Gabriel A standalone

The Facilitator A duet

The Facilitator, part 2 A duet

A Deadly Sin A standalone

Harlot A standalone

Letters to Lincoln A standalone

Jackson A standalone

The Freedom Diamond A novella

Limp Dicks & Saggy Tits A standalone

Stalker Links

Book Review – Waiting For Milo by Angel Devlin.

Book Review – Waiting For Milo by Angel Devlin.

Blurb:

“He called her Rapunzel.

Now she’s back in a tower of her own making.

Can he rescue his princess and live happily ever after?

After purchasing her nan’s old home, Violet Blake wonders if the mysterious Waite family still live in the house across the garden. But there are bigger things to worry about—like how she’s going to get the hole in the ceiling repaired and the neglected house modernised. Lucky for her, the Waite family do turn out to be her neighbours and run a property renovation business.

Enter Milo Waite.

Caveman. Protector. Stubborn as hell.

He won’t take no for an answer and sets about making sure his princess has her castle. But repairing the house isn’t his only project. He wants Violet.

Real life isn’t a fairy tale though, and buried family secrets threaten not only their budding relationship but to tear their families apart.”

Review:

I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this book! It’s one of those romance books that is perfect for taking on holiday to read in the sun whilst lazing by the pool or on the beach! It was so easy to get into that I finished it in just over a day, reading whenever I got a spare moment.

It was wonderfully written. The characters were all lovable making you want to get to know each and every one of them. But Milo Waite… Milo is my new book boyfriend! Oh he’s so dreamy! Everything you’d want in a boyfriend. He absolutely worships Violet and wants the best for her. Oh sure he’s a Neanderthal, as Violet would say, but she’s not afraid to put him in his place and point out when he’s being an idiot and overreacting. I loved seeing their romance blossom. Although a couple of obstacles were thrown their way and I wasn’t sure if they’d overcome them!

The book ends on such a cliffhanger! Oh my god! I was so shocked! I absolutely need to know what happens next!! Hurry up and release the sequel, Waiting For Cal, Angel Devlin!

You can purchase Waiting For Milo here:

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B081Y545JN

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B081Y545JN

#waitingformilo #angeldevlin #waitefamily #romancebooks #romancereads #bookreview #bookreviews #bookblog #bookblogger #bookpromo #bookstagram #outnow #summerreads

Book Review – Summer Princess by Sloane Murphy.

Book Review – Summer Princess by Sloane Murphy.

Summer Princess, previously known as A Princess’ Duty, is revised and revamped with an additional 12K words (if memory serves). It was just as engaging as the first time around. That twist at the end! Omg I’d forgot about that twist, though! Oooh the double betrayal is real! I feel more hurt by the second betrayal than I do about the first. The second cut deeeeep! Yeah, you bet I felt it just as much as poor Emilia did!

Emilia, her twin brother, Edimere, and older brother Erion, have been friends with Rowan and Cade for years. Each month, the Summer or Winter fae court hosts a party. It’s not like your normal human party. These parties are brutal and bloody, a time for the fae to embrace their darker side. 19 year old Emilia’s world is turned upside down when her twin brother, Edimere, meets his death after he kills a Summer court villager who, unbeknownst to him, is Rowan’s love and was set up by Rowan and Cade’s father in an effort to show Rowan that the villagers are beneath them.

5 years later Emilia’s life is not what it was. Her parents blame her for the death of her brother and have been and done awful things to her ever since. She seeks love in the form of Oberon, a half fae Hunter, but keeps it secret because no one would approve of her being with a hunter. One day her father finds out and Oberon is captured and sent to the cages. Emilia is told the only way she can save him is to go to the Winter court and win Cade’s hand in marriage, forming a truce between the two courts. Emilia has never forgiven Cade so it’s the last thing she wants to do but she does it in an effort to save Oberon. But can she?

You’re really pulled into this story, feeling all the emotions the characters do, feeling as though you’re right there with them. The twists and turns were fantastic! I loved the character development of Emilia and Cade. Her friendship with Rowan was so precious. The writing is beautiful and really grips you, keeping you reading and not wanting it to end. I can’t wait for book two to be released. I need to know what happens! If you love a dark fantasy read then this one is for you!

The only negative I’d have to comment about is the grammar/spelling mistakes I came across. However, I was given an ARC in exchange for my honest review so I’m hoping they will have been smoothed out in the mean time ready for the final copy to be released to the public.

Book Review – The Cult of Eden by Bill Halpin.

Blurb:

“Newlywed Will Battese finds himself homesick and overwhelmed after following his ambitious wife, Shannon, to New York City. When a surprise pregnancy shreds their already meager budget, Will drops out of college and settles for work at a low-end diner. There, a small act of kindness draws the attention of Victor Degas, a man with an unsettling presence and deformed eyes. Unbeknownst to Will, Degas belongs to an ancient, sophisticated cult known as the Edens and believes Will to be the key to gaining otherworldly power. As the sun sets on Good Friday, Degas orchestrates a home invasion in which Will and his baby boy, Gideon, are kidnapped, leaving Shannon to join forces with an unreliable agent from the Roman Catholic Church. While Will struggles to save other innocents from the Eden parish below the city, Shannon discovers that the cult plans to use her family for an unimaginable demonic ritual, and that the Vatican may let it happen. With no one to trust but themselves, Shannon and Will must fight not only to survive, but to keep their humanity intact. THE CULT OF EDEN is the first volume in The Unrisen saga.”

Review:

If you’re looking for a creepy-assed horror read then look no further! Welcome to The Cult of Eden! A spine tingling, chilling tale of good versus evil! This had me on the edge of my seat and definitely grossed out at times. One thing I notice about male authors, when it comes to horrors and thrillers, is that they are way more brutal and bloodily descriptive than female authors. Which, for me, is what I want in a horror story so this was perfect, although I was a little unsettled by a couple of scenes – no spoilers here.

I loved the way the chapters in this book were set out like the bible; such a unique touch. It is also told from several persons perspectives and is set in two different places. Halpin knows how to weave his magic throughout the story, always keeping you engaged, really making you feel for the characters and hating certain other characters. Degas is certainly a piece of evil work! Though he was evil, I actually loved his character! The Edens are an interesting cult which I’m so intrigued to know more about and the history surrounding them. Especially how a person could do the evil things they did. The ending had me NEEDING to read the next book to find out what happens! I need to know! A brilliant debut by Bill Halpin that you all must read!

Book Release Tour – Cocky Playboy by Sloane Howell and Alex Wolf.

Cocky Playboy by Sloane Howell & Alex Wolf

AVAILABLE NOW!

Genre: Contemporary Romance 

Buy your Copy Today!

Add to your TBR

#CockyPlayboy #NewRelease #RomanceRead #SloaneHowell #AlexWolf

#BareNakedWords #BlogTour #ReleaseBlitz

#KindleUnlimited 



Synopsis


He’s a bastard in Burberry.

Decker Collins knows how to do one thing—win.

When his billion-dollar law practice moves to merge with a firm out of Dallas, she shows up to oversee the transition.

Tate Reynolds—the vixen in Versace.

She’s whip-smart, sassy, and gorgeous. Oh, and she doesn’t take any of Decker’s sh*t.

With the merger hanging in the balance, they go to war with each other.

There’s only one problem. This war isn’t just about business.

Because when they’re not butting heads…

They’re banging headboards.

Meet The Authors


Alex hails from the Midwest and currently resides in New Orleans.

He enjoys writing steamy romance but more importantly he enjoys the “research” required to produce the steamy scenes. If you like filthy-mouthed, possessive alpha heroes and steamy romance, then he’s the author for you!

Sloane Howell lives in the Midwest United States and writes all kinds of stories. 
A former college baseball player turned author, when not reading or writing, he enjoys hanging out with his family, watching sports, traveling, and engaging his readers on social media. You can almost always catch him goofing off on Facebook or Twitter, and trying to convince Mrs. Howell that it is “work.”
FB:
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BookBub:
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Book Review – Her Best Friend’s Brother by M. B. Feeney.

Blurb:

Six years ago, Lucy Duncan and Jenson Phillips shared a moment on the beach. For years she had a crush on him, but hid it behind a mask of hating him, then… nothing. Now, they’re about to go on a three-thousand mile road trip together to his sister’s, Lucy’s best friend, wedding; the sister who knows nothing about their ‘history’.

If Lucy’s boyfriend Matthew had been able to make the trip with her, she wouldn’t have had to put up with Jenson’s arrogance and secretive phone calls. If Matthew didn’t always put his career before Lucy herself, then maybe she wouldn’t be reliving that one night with astounding clarity while being trapped in an old car with Jenson, the one guy she’d never truly forgotten.

Her Best Friend’s Brother is a second chance romance that will leave you wanting more.

Book Review.

A sweet second chance romance about a longtime crush, love in denial and a road trip that would rekindle their feelings and change their lives forever! I really enjoyed reading this. There were funny parts, parts that had me frustrated with both Lucy and Jenson, and there certainly were some very steamy parts! It was a fantastic read and would be perfect to read on holiday too! M. B. Feeney is a great writer who really sucks you into the story and her characters!

Chosen Cover Reveal.

Title: Chosen

Series: Blackwater Academy

Author: Sloane Murphy

Genre: 

YA / NA crossover Paranormal Romance

TROPE:

Academy Romance

Love Triangle

Suspense

Cover Design: Vixen Designs 

Release Date: October 2019

 

 

Blurb:

 

After everything that happened, all I wanted was to go to the Academy, and maybe, just for once, get to be normal.

But now my secret is out, with repercussions I could never have dreamed of and I can’t trust anyone. 

Even the ones I thought I could. 

With whispers of murder still in the air, and lines between friend and foe becoming blurry, the shadows that were once my closest ally, could just be my own personal nightmare.

 

Goodreads: http://bit.ly/ChosenGoodreads

 

Pre – Order today:

 

Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2JW2lsQ

Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2Yo48jx

 

 

 

Author Bio: 

 

Sloane Murphy is the author of the best selling series, The Immortal Chronicles, as well as a range of other paranormal and young adult romance.

 

Sloane lives in Peterborough, England, and over the years, she has developed an unhealthy appreciation for cheesy YA Films, cupcakes and bad pop music. She adores fairy tales and ballet, drinks too much hot chocolate, and watches an ungodly amount of Netflix. When she’s not busy writing, she can be found exploring the world with her husband and chocolate Labrador. 

 

 

Author Links: 

 

Newsletter ~ https://www.authorsloanemurphy.com/newsletter

Fb ~ https://m.facebook.com/sloanemurphybooks/

Insta ~ https://instagram.com/sloanemurphybooks?igshid=46vyjcxepol

Twitter ~ https://twitter.com/sloanemurphybks

Bookbub ~ https://www.bookbub.com/authors/sloane-murphy

Goodreads ~https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/15124195.Sloane_Murphy?from_search=true

Website: https://www.authorsloanemurphy.com

Group link https://www.facebook.com/groups/thehideaway2/

 

#comingsoon #coverreveal #paranormalromance #academyromance #tbr

Book Review – Down Fall by Abigail Davies.

Blurb:

“Life was chaotic and unpredictable; made up of a series of events—a collection of firsts.
First crush.
First kiss.
First love.

Between the murky waters, I’d found salvation. And it was all because of him—the broody alpha who appeared at the time I needed him most.
He promised me things, and showed me the life I could have.
But all it took was one moment to destroy everything.

Nothing else mattered.
No one else mattered.
It was him and me against the world.
Until it wasn’t.

I hadn’t known just how forbidden our love was.
I hadn’t known I’d been tutoring his son.
I hadn’t known about the family he had hidden away. 
I hadn’t known he was cheating—with me.

I wish I could say I wanted to take it all back, but it’d be a lie.
A blatant lie. 

He was my biggest downfall, but I’d never regret it.
Choosing him was never an option, the question was whether he’d risk it all.”

This is the second part in the Fallen Duet series and boy is it as equally amazing as the first!

Once again you’re sucked into the lives of Lola and Brody and taken on an incredible emotional rollercoaster of a ride! Abigail Davies really knows how to make you feel exactly the way her characters do and has a way of bringing her characters to life. Another beautifully written book that had me on the edge of my seat most of the time; be that either because I was fanning myself over the steaminess between Lola and Brody (psst! There’s a lot more in the first book, by the way! You should go check that out!), the heartfelt scenes where I didn’t know how Brody was gonna react to Lola’s life changing news, or feeling crap scared for their lives! Like I said: emotional rollercoaster! Jesus, my heart was definitely in my mouth at least twice that’s for sure! So if you like angsty, edge of your seat, finger nail biting contemporary romance mixed in with some crime fighting DEA agents, then this is for you!

You can purchase Down Fall from the links below:

Amazon Universal ~ https://geni.us/ziAoF

Amazon US ~ https://amzn.to/2LGkQDY

Amazon UK ~ https://amzn.to/2GgP7Gf

Amazon CA ~ https://amzn.to/2LHt277

Amazon AU ~ https://amzn.to/2JzrXvl

Down Fall Release Blitz & Giveaway!

Release Date: July 10, 2019

Cover Design: Pink Elephant Designs

Models: Daniel Rengering & Emily L’Nae

Photographer: Jean Maureen Woodfin at JW Photography and Covers

Synopsis

Life was chaotic and unpredictable; made up of a series of events—a collection of firsts.
First crush.
First kiss.
First love.

Between the murky waters, I’d found salvation. And it was all because of him—the broody alpha who appeared at the time I needed him most.
He promised me things, and showed me the life I could have.
But all it took was one moment to destroy everything.

Nothing else mattered.
No one else mattered.
It was him and me against the world.
Until it wasn’t.

I hadn’t known just how forbidden our love was.
I hadn’t known I’d been tutoring his son.
I hadn’t known about the family he had hidden away. 
I hadn’t known he was cheating—with me.

I wish I could say I wanted to take it all back, but it’d be a lie.
A blatant lie. 

He was my biggest downfall, but I’d never regret it.
Choosing him was never an option, the question was whether he’d risk it all.

Goodreads

Purchase Links

Amazon Universal: https://geni.us/Srpk

Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2RYn8Q6

Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2Jw58sm

Amazon CA: https://amzn.to/2FSHIMS

Amazon AU: https://amzn.to/2JvWsm6

Available Now

Free Fall (Fallen Duet – Book 1)

Amazon Universal: https://geni.us/xX4Y4sn

Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2Na7NNM

Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2N0p6kf

Amazon CA: https://amzn.to/2IQ0l4E

Amazon AU: https://amzn.to/2N0m9jC

Giveaway

$25 Amazon Gift Card

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Direct Link: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/b1257f8d498/?

About the Author

Abigail Davies grew up with a passion for words, storytelling, maths, and anything pink. Dreaming up characters–quite literally–and talking to them out loud is a daily occurrence for her. She finds it fascinating how a whole world can be built with words alone, and how everyone reads and interprets a story differently. Now following her dreams of writing, Abigail has found the passion that she always knew was there. When she’s not writing: she’s a mother to two daughters who she encourages to use their imagination as she believes that it’s a magical thing, or getting lost in a good book. If she’s doing neither of those things, you can be sure she’s surfing the web buying new makeup, clothes, or binge watching another show as she becomes one with her sofa.

Connect with Abigail

Newsletter: http://bit.ly/2wNorb9

Facebook Author Page: http://bit.ly/2oHTocn

Facebook Reader Group: http://bit.ly/2Nj66fr

Goodreads Author Page: http://bit.ly/2wTNuJV

Twitter: http://bit.ly/2PHhFLe

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2NlBSZi

Amazon Author Page: https://amzn.to/2LZFc7K

BookBub Author Page: http://bit.ly/2Ci99QS

Beginning the Game Release Blitz & Review.

Title: Beginning the Game 
Series: Playing the Game #0.5 
Author: Olivia Rose & Raven Moore 
Genre: Contemporary / Sports
Cover Design: Vixen Designs 
Release Date July 2 
Beginning the Game is LIVE!!!!
Blurb:

A broken British girl. 

A godlike alphahole football king. 

One night to forget. 

Whats the worst that could happen?

Add to your TBR:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46638808-beginning-the-game

Purchase here:
Review.

This is a short story which is a prequel to End Game whose release date has been postponed until next year.

*fans self* Ooft now this little story will definitely get you hot under the collar and wanting more! Though short, it was brilliantly written. It gave us a nice little intro into why Indie had to leave London for the US and what her life is like when she begins her first semester at Harbor View. It made a nice change to read a short but oh gosh it’s definitely left me wanting more! Which is a good thing! I neeeed to find out what happens between Indie and Clay! Boy were there sparks flying! I thought both Indie and Clay were great characters; their personalities were oozing off the page. I also loved the introduction of Indie’s step brother, Ryan and her room mate, Ally – both seem like great characters and I’m hoping for more from them in End Game. Bring on End Game!

#OliviaRose #RavenMoore #BeginningtheGame #NewRelease 
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